Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
