Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
