College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
