Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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