I cannot find my penis.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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