I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
