Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
