if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
