his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
