none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
