Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
