i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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