At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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