I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
