why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
