then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
