I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
