We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
