im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
