God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
