Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
