Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
