ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
