i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
