Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
