Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
