Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
