Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
