I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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