Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
