It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
