i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
