I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you win again, gameday.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
