come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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