Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
