i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
