i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can feel your judgement through the phone
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
