the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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