:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
