Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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