so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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