I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
