Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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