you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
