Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
