Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
