walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
