You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
