I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
