u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just cropdusted the office
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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