I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
