I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
