just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
